bpd favorite person leaving
No one. You may constantly be referred to for advice for everything — from the very small to the huge. Like many other people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), I had a “favorite person” or “FP.” This is used in the BPD community to refer to the person your emotions become dependent upon. In fact, the only thing you should do with your favorite person is to tell them that you don’t think you should have contact anymore, until you can move on. So, don’t expect a beautifully written letter in calligraphy informing you of your FP status. She never made me feel like I was being a burden. It takes up every cell of our being and it’s impossible to do anything else but that. Then 30 minutes. However, it can get annoying. It’s not really your choice. This takes time… you can’t rush it. Let your former FP know that you’d reach out when you are ready but to please not contact you, otherwise. Not so much. It drove me “mad,” my brain was filled with continual thoughts that she hated me and that I was a terrible friend and not worth anything. It appears you entered an invalid email. It takes up every cell of our being and it’s impossible to do anything else but that. As a result, we do a lot of stuff that isn’t exactly healthy. I needed the attention to validate me. Like many other people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), I had a “favorite person” or “FP.” This is used in the BPD community to refer to the person your emotions become dependent upon. I decided I hated her because she had let me down when I was sickest. I felt like I was in a living hell, in limbo. Make sure that before you take care of someone else, you are able to take care of you too. She was kind and caring. I have a wife but I became so close to Sarah that I would tell her more than I told my wife. It felt like I was the shell of who I used to be. One of the people I ask if they are mad at me all the time gets super frustrated, but I can’t tell. Rewire your brain to think through your own lens, instead of filtering it through the likes and dislikes of your favorite person. How to Tell if Your Friend Is a Narcissist, Advice for an Empath Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse: The Necessity of Rage, Breaking Up: Inside the Mind of a (Recovering) Male Narcissist, 7 Stages of Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse, How to Talk to Someone with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist, Trauma Bonds: How a Narcissistic Mother Primes You for Abuse, How I Ended my Friendship with a Narcissist. An “FP” (or Favorite Person) is a person who someone with mental illness relies on for support, and often looks up to or idolizes. Don’t allow yourself to go arms swinging right into another favorite person. They may grow to depend on you more, but at the end of the day, you don’t really decide this and neither does the other person. 1. What this means is that you will not progressively just get better. It appears you entered an invalid email. Your favorite person could be anyone… a relative, parent, best friend, lover, etc. Except perhaps invoke jealousy by spending time with others, or not answering messages. I thought her leaving would be one of the worst things that could ever happen, but I got through it and it gave me the motivation to fight my illnesses and try and get better. They don’t understand how I feel like I wouldn’t be able to function without that person. I find it difficult to explain to anyone who doesn't have borderline personality disorder (BPD) how a favorite-person (FP) relationship works. But, as much as the person who has the mental illness matters, so do you. I am guilty of having done this… where I jump from one favorite person right into another one. Stay away from booze, drugs, or anything that will alter your mind (aside from your medication). You might have a good day, only to have a shit day tomorrow because you saw someone eat a banana split and your favorite person loves banana split. The initial shock of losing your favorite person can send you spiraling into an episode. And I am getting better. In fact, the opposite had happened. She replied with another long email that was positive, saying she had zero intention of walking away and that she had needed the space and it had helped. A day passed and then Sarah told me she couldn’t answer that as all we talked about were my illnesses and she really had no idea who I was without them. Then a whole day. As soon as Sarah stopped replying to my messages, I would become convinced she had stopped caring. Finally, a week or so later, came the message I had been dreading. Go thrift shopping (so you don’t spend too much). I need that reassurance that I am OK. But, as much as the person who has the mental illness matters, so do you. It just means I am ignoring the pain and self-medicating with a new person. What you do today will determine how you feel a week from now. Some people revel in the idea of being an FP. The week after that she sent me a long email telling me things needed to change between us. If you can’t do everything and you don’t want to do everything, you don’t have to. This post was originally written for The Fractured Light. It’s stressful. Personally, I don’t think people with BPD actively seek out FPs, but it’s just a phenomenon that occurs with them, as they need constant reassurance and someone to assist them when they are feeling emotional or making decisions. And, to be fair, it isn’t the other person’s choice either. Terms, Like many other people with borderline personality disorder. This would be a good time to remind yourself that you are capable of doing silly things, and that it will only cause you embarrassment in the future. As long as she cared about me, there was a point to my life. I went to my therapist who did a questionnaire on me and diagnosed me with BPD. I have bad days, but a lot fewer than I used to. My FP had finally left me. If ever I tried not to, I would end up caving in a few minutes later. If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741. In all likelihood, the other person doesn’t realize you are their FP or won’t want you to know in case it freaks you out. But things started to get worse with my health — I actually don’t think this was a coincidence. And who wants a relationship based on trying to rebound on someone else? I couldn’t completely fall apart. I had thought before I might have BPD, but my doctor was very dismissive and told me he saw no evidence of it, so I had forgotten it. This is how the healing process looks. I had never seen anyone that worried about me and it proved to me she cared about me. The infamous favorite person… the person that someone with borderline personality disorder filters their world view around… the source of comfort… the everything. When the darker days come, you need to keep coping. Then we met up for what turned out to be the last time. I needed more and more evidence from her that she cared. He left me no way to contact him. I started to feel jealous when she said she was seeing other friends. If you can’t do everything and you don’t want to do everything, you don’t have to. It was obvious it was getting too much for her, but I just kept on pushing, needing her to show she still cared. We’re creatures of habit… so we need to unlearn the unhealthy codependent stalkery habits that sometimes come with having a favorite person. If she was ever busy, even if she told me in advance that she would be busy, I thought it meant she no longer cared about me. Block their phone number, unfollow from social media, temporarily. Retrain your brain. Others, however, will be subtle. But I couldn’t stick to it. If you’re practicing healthy coping methods now, you will feel so much better in a week. Jealousy is a big thing people with BPD have to deal with because when we feel, we feel completely. I hope maybe one day she might give me another chance, but I am also prepared for the fact that day may never come. Hang out with other friends that you haven’t talked to in a while. 4. A big thing about BPD is seeking approval and having an inability to maintain and regulate emotions and healthy relationships. I had every intention of making sure things didn’t go back to the same pattern they had before. Common with borderline personality disorder (BPD), it’s often that someone has a minimum of one FP, but a person can have many. Yes. She seemed sympathetic. As soon as she sent that, I knew things had changed. Privacy In my eyes, they couldn’t, and something had to happen. You can do no wrong… except perhaps this…. One foot in front of the other. But it couldn’t carry on like that. You’ll have a day where you go 5 minutes without thinking about your former FP. You can’t jump from one FP to another, expecting it to be perfect. Things are going to suck for a while. The infamous favorite person… the person that someone with borderline personality disorder filters their world view around… the source of comfort… the everything. I apologized, but she didn’t reply. I couldn’t believe a friend could care for me that much. Do something you used to love, before you met your favorite person. I know that right this second, it feels impossible. Now that that’s out of the way, we need to replace those cringey things with doing something more productive. Your mind is not healthy enough to have a favorite person right now. I was constantly in fear of her leaving me and saw evidence in every tiny thing. But I was very hurt. The more attention she gave me, the more I got hooked on it and the more attention I needed to get the same “high” I felt when she showed how much she cared. It’s like picking open an old scab, over and over, never truly letting it heal. The difference between having a “best friend” and a “favorite person,” especially for someone with borderline personality disorder, is the intensity and obsessive thoughts that surround the favorite person. So surely this must have made me a lot worse? Terms. But I knew deep down it wasn’t true. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to deal with things without her constant contact. | The one thing I had feared for so long had actually come true. Nope, don’t go on their social media pages or check the pages of their other friends. And I have way more good days. All our conversations in person, in text and in emails revolved around my problems. An “FP” (or Favorite Person) is a person who someone with mental illness relies on for support, and often looks up to or idolizes. She was entitled to go out and see other people and do other things, but my brain took it as evidence that she was drifting away from me and didn’t want to be my friend anymore. It could even be someone that you just met. I had no idea where to go from there and it felt like something I looked forward to, daily, was taken away from me. A day later I mentioned that another friend had suggested I ask my friends to tell me what they think defines me, without mentioning illnesses. Keep watching that new tv show that you discovered. Jealousy is a big thing people with BPD have to deal with because when we feel, we feel completely. When your friends ask you about your former FP, let them know it’s a sore topic and you’d like to change the topic. You probably won’t be told that you are their FP. Now, some people will get aggressive, in which case, get out of there now. I know from being an FP that I did everything I could to be there for them. I’d ask how she was and she would always say, “Fine.” I knew that wasn’t really the truth but I didn’t question her because I wanted to talk about myself.